Sunday, December 03, 2006

Fear & Loathing in Chicago

We were somewhere over Wisconsin, on the edge LaCrosse, when the Dramamine began to take hold...

No, unfortunately, I haven't read enough Hunter S. Thompson to do a proper send-up piece. So let's just scrap that idea right here and now.

Instead, I will attempt (yes, attempt) a feat never before conceived on the Band Blog. I will give a good old Hamburger University try at BLOGGING EACH DAY a little about the Colonel's trip to the windy city.

Installment #1:
It was somewhere around 3 am when The Blond woke me up...

"Do you want to take the minivan to the airport tomorrow? I don't think you can fit all your luggage and everyone else's into that little Vibe."

She was right, of course. I am a notorious Over-Packer. I think it has to do with the fact that I hate to leave home. To compensate, I try to bring as much "home" with me as I can whenever I travel.

Because of this, the Blond had watched me pack (I am not making this up) 15 shirts, 9 pairs of pants, too many socks to mention, my laptop, IPOD, IPOD docking station, Three pairs of shoes, camera, swimsuit, sandals, and one pair of underwear for a 5 day trip.

As a final act of lunacy, I tossed in a passport, just in case the plane veered into Soviet Airspace.

It was just too much for the limited luggage space of a hatchback.

So instead of doing the intelligent thing, (packing less) my Inner-Moron tm once again took over and decided everything would be resolved if I simply crammed all those contents into ONE GINORMOUS SUITCASE.

I had to enlist help from a couple of teamsters just to get it in the car. Upon arriving at the airport, I dutifully lugged it over to the baggage check-in. The guy behind the counter looked me over...

"Uh, sir...You have a bit of a weight problem there..."

"Hey! I work out almost once a week!"

"No sir, your bag. It's 10 pounds over the weight limit. Would you like to re-distribute it?"

"Redistribute it? Where?"

At this point, I had to weigh (npi) my options.
1. Take one of my sandals out of the suitcase and cram it in my laptop case. Yeah, that would help.
2. Ask someone on the same flight if they would "share" their luggage with me.
3. Bribe the Baggage Guy.

Actually, it wasn't a bribe. For an extra Jackson, he stuck an embarrassing tag on my monstrosity and let me slide through.

As I was leaving the counter, he let me know that I wouldn't have been overweight if I had just used two bags.

That had been my intention in the 1st place.

So now I have a quest. To prevent this hassle on the return trip, I will spend Wednesday evening in downtown Chicago in search of The Perfect Duffel Bag.

Hopefully, I will have a humorous post later in the week chronicling this upcoming quest.

That way I get my $20 worth.


Blogger midnight mama said...

Haha...funny post. 1 pair of underwear? 4 pair of shoes plus the ones you wore? Dude. Not cool. We were in Costa Rica last week so I feel your packing pain. I think I did pretty well. 2 suitcases, 1 giant duffel (it's really sweet), a backpack, and a stroller. 5 people, 7 days. Impressive, I know, thanks.

9:43 PM  
Blogger Colonel Havoc said...

Can you fe-dex me the duffel?

5:04 AM  
Blogger midnight mama said...


6:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it would be cheaper, and probably less risky for Lisa's sweet duffle if the Colonel would just break down and buy his own. BTW, the 2 bags he was refering to were the ginormous bag AND a Flight Attendant type bag. In his defense, he downsized baggage in order to help a pregnant co-worker with hers...
The Blonde

7:58 AM  
Blogger Reinman said...


"One pair of underware"


(By the way, I'm anticipating at least one "picture post" to meet your once-a-day quota for the week. Don't feel dirty. Do what you gotta do, man.)

12:16 PM  
Blogger midnight mama said...

were you serious about the underwear?

9:26 AM  
Blogger Colonel Havoc said...

Uh...I'll leave that one up to you.

4:56 PM  
Blogger midnight mama said...

up to me? ok, the drug baron and i think you're lying. you're not really that gross, are you? what about all the shoes? another lie? you probably packed it all in a duffel that's even sweeter than mine and just took a picture of someone else's "heavy" tag. hmph.

8:14 PM  
Blogger Colonel Havoc said...

The Shoe Count is true, but it INCLUDES the ones on my feet.

As far as the other issue is concerned, I will just say that within the reality of the Band Blog, the words "Underwear" or "Underpants" are intriscally funny.

9:43 PM  
Blogger midnight mama said...

I thought so.

7:38 AM  

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