Sunday, October 18, 2009


When the morons visit Wisconsin, we naturally seek out our own kind.

Such was the case when the Colonel and the Blond attended the Wedding-Event-o-the-Decade last weekend.
Flo, JC, and L'il Penny at the wedding. Keep an eye on the one in the middle. She has dangerous ideas .

Sitting around the pool the day following the nuptials, the Colonel was thoroughly enjoying the relaxing reunion-type vibe as good friends renewed all-too-long separated acquaintances. The wedding had been fantastic, and the fellowship had been pleasantly exhausting. Now we were tired, and nothing was going to remove the Colonel from his comfortable deck chair.He should have known better.

"Hey!" said Honorary Moron JC, "Who wants to visit the AMISH CHEESE HOUSE?"

The Colonel regarded that lady over the top of his unnecessary, indoor sunglasses, "You're kidding, right?"

The Blond (Charter Member: Morons inc.) chimed in, "Oooooo. That sounds good! Where is it?"

JC was exuberant. "Right across the parking lot!"

Having been dragged from poolside, forced to change clothes, and walking out into 40 degree weather, the Colonel was not amused.

"Uh...that's a SHELL Station."

"Exactly!" bubbled JC, "The Cheese House in in the back!"Not a good sign.

I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe a cool guy with a beard dressed in basic black cutting samples on an old wooden barrel.

What we got instead was a tiny cooler in the back corner, filled with clever cow-shape-based dairy products.JC and the Blond seemed pleased.

I wanted one shaped like Brett Favre, but they were sold out.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Random Conversations with the Blond: Wal-Mart Edition

The Blond: (at the Wal-Mart checkout, noticing the cashier guy wearing sanitary, plastic gloves) Oh, so are those H1-N1 gloves?
Cashier Guy: Naw...I'm not afraid of no flu. (a pause) I'm afraid of the MONEY...with all the ANTHRAX on it...(longer pause) ...and all the FECES!"
Blond: (Gingerly taking back her shopping bag between her thumb and index finger) O-kaaaaaay...kinda sorry I asked, here."

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Life was Simpler

The Colonel & the Blond are involved in planning a celebration of sorts near the end of the year.
To condense a long involved explanation, one of the necessary items to pull this off is a HUGE supply of candy cigarettes.

Discussion Questions for both of the Colonel's readers over 45:

1. Weren't those Cool?

2. Why can't we buy these at the corner store anymore?

Here was our actual conversation...

Colonel: "Man, I used to love those!"

Blond: "Yeah! I can remember walking to school on a cold day and..."
(At this point she pantomimed smoking a Candy "Heater".)

Blond: "I aways was disappointed because the boxes didn't look like my Dad's brand."

Colonel: "Did you ever play "Cigarette Tag?" You know, where if you were about to be tagged, you could kneel down and shout out a cigarette brand to be safe?"

Blond: "I seem to remember that."

Colonel: "Yeah, that was fun. Think about it..."Cigarette" Tag... Not "Sports Teams", not "American Idol Winners", not even "Ideas to Save Mother Earth" It was Cigarettes!"

Blond: (Looking at the candy box) "Wow, look at how happy those two kids are with their cigarettes."
Colonel: "We've lost something along the way, haven't we?"