Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Things I Do Because I'm a Moron XI

So I'm in a nice hotel, lying on a nice bed with nice white sheets. I had stopped at the nice little shop downstairs and picked up a nice bag of trail mix, complete with nice little bits of chocolate. I proceeded to eat said trail mix on the nice bed with the nice white sheets.

Now, it should be noted that the Colonel is a notoriously messy eater. You can always spot where I have been seated at any banquet by the ring of food around my place setting once the dishes have been cleared away. Admittedly, I was rather careless while scooping the tasty mix out of the tiny bag opening.

Sometime during the fourth quarter of Monday Night Football I fell asleep. I awoke the following morning to the awful discovery that I had not only spilled several of the delectable little bits of chocolate, but had slept on them as well, effectively melting them to the nice white sheet.

Naturally I panicked. 
I had met the housekeeper in the hall earlier in the day. She was a sweet Hispanic woman who I am sure does a great job and doesn't ever jump to conclusions as to the continence, or lack thereof, of her guests. Now, all All I could imagine was that nice housekeeper, going about her business, probably humming a nice tune to herself, moving to make up the bed, and suddenly recoiling in horror, choking back a scream.
I had to do something. Already late for a morning meeting, I grabbed a notepad and scrawled out a hastily composed message that I left on the bed, sincerely hoping that it would clarify the dire situation.

Later, a coworker asked me, "How do you know she even spoke English?"
In hindsight, I probably should have said, "Esto no es caca. Honesto!"
But at least I left a nice tip.