Saturday, November 26, 2005


WARNING!!!! If you enjoy being surprised by plot twists and new developments in your favorite Television Shows and Movies, DO NOT READ the following post.

The Colonel, due to his UNLIMTED resources and contacts within the entertainment field, has in his possession, SECRET DOCUMENTS that reveal how future episodes and installments of these programs will play out, up to and including (are you ready for this?) HOW THE NEXT JAMES BOND FILM WILL END. Read on, if you dare, but please remember that the Colonel will be incorporating the use of many CAPITAL LETTERS.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: ABC Sunday Nights:

Ty will find a disadvantaged family with more kids than the entire population of Bismarck, North Dakota. He and the gang will take the family's tiny little Crud Shack and transform it, with the help of SEARS CRAFTSMAN TOOLS, into a five story mansion with a swimming pool and recording studio. Everything will go wrong, while TY runs around like a poster boy for Ritalin. ™ Even with the deadline approaching the crew will find time to goof around, visit local tourist attractions and play guitar solos. The last piece of furniture will be moved in just as the family arrives and looks surprised. Everyone will retire to the new recording studio, where we discover that no one in the family can sing. You will hate them because their house is much nicer than yours.

Alias: ABC Thursday Nights:

It will be revealed that the agent everyone thought was good, was actually bad, but didn’t know it until they found out that the guy at the head of the bad organization was working for the good guys all along. Sydney will get REALLY ticked off at her dad, boyfriend, boss, or all three. The short guy will break a computer code to disarm the bomb just as the timer reads “00:02”. Sydney will get really sad as the soundtrack plays a mournful, female-vocalist intensive song to cover the fact that Jennifer Garner has the acting skills of a turnip. The series will be cancelled forever in February.

That’s So Raven: ABC: Saturday Mornings:

Raven will have a psychic vision, which she will misinterpret, with hilarious results. In order to get out of the mess she has created, she will dress up in an outlandish costume, with hilarious results. In an exciting plot twist, Raven will be heavier than she was last week. (With hilarious results.)

Bewitched: (Old episodes on TV Land, I guess. Credit to Gary Larson)

Endora will put a hex on Darin, and no one will know what the heck is going on, until Samantha figures it out.

The Apprentice: NBC Thursday Nights:

A major corporation will embarrass itself in front of America, by letting a bunch of misfit morons work out its next great advertising campaign. Caroline will continue her digression from a smart corporate woman into an annoying, grouchy shrew with a bad hairdo. Trump will fire the project manager for reasons not clear even to himself.

LOST: (Who Cares?)

I have no idea. The writers don’t even know. But millions of you will irritate the rest of us by talking incessantly about it ALL WEEK.

And finally:

The news that Pierce Brosnan will be replaced by Orlando Bloom (Young Bond) and Daniel Craig (Older, Euphorian, Gun-hating Bond) pales in comparison to the Colonel uncovering the secret of HOW THE NEXT JAMES BOND FILM WILL END…

Here it is…All together now…


Thank You


Blogger SuperStar said...

It is definitely amazing that
1. Raven does get bigger in every episode.
2. I sadly know this, and wish it wasn't so.
3. I like extreme makeover home edition.

1:23 PM  
Blogger JC said...

Well, could you re-cap the last three weeks of "Chief Justice". I've missed them for planning meetings and traveling.

A re-cap on Smallville would be great too.

7:10 PM  
Blogger dangeresque dan said...

Orlando Bloom? I'd rather have Ewan McGregor. He can, at least, act and he probably doesn't need any supporting actor(s)/Actress(es). I suppose he is better than Jude Law.
I totally agree with you on "Lost". Who cares . . .

5:56 AM  
Blogger mrswillyof4 said...

We love TY in our house!! did you know that he is in the ads for a drug for ADD/ADHD? Just wondered if you were being sarcastic or serious. Funny post...

7:02 AM  
Blogger Colonel Havoc said...

Yeah, Ty's pretty fun. I had seen that he had highlighted ADD before. The joke is more of a good-natured jab at his on-screen persona (Which he is welll aware of) as well as a more subtle shot at America's tendancy to over-prescribe Ritalin. Guys like TY have kind of rough childhoods, but can go on to accomplish amazing things if we resist the temptation to over medicate them in their younger years.

8:03 AM  
Blogger the devine one said...

"LOST: (Who Cares?)"

Well, your son and his wifey care, and yours truly cares.

And they decided against Orlando Bloom, it's some other Brit, but I know for a fact it is no longer Orlando.

1:50 PM  
Blogger Graceland King said...

What about "The Price is Right"? Sometimes the contestant goes over and sometimes they go under. But it's always with numbers.

2:26 PM  
Blogger Jilb said...

It's time to post again.

~Me and the Boy

6:05 PM  
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10:31 PM  

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