Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Proverbs 31

April 24, 1982

April 24, 2007

Yeah...The Colonel and the Blond are thankful...

Sanskrit for "Beautiful"

Adventures at Sundara Spa:

To Celebrate their 25th, the Colonel & the Blond headed out for a weekend of relaxation and personal stretchiness in order to bring you "Self-Serving Post #2" (See below)

The weekend began with a stop in Duluth, just to get out of town.
Noteworthy: The Hawthorn Suites are located in a renovated warehouse. This creates interesting architectural challenges. Like this 4 foot pillar in the CENTER of our room...

This was not a problem until the Colonel tried to find the bathroom in the middle of the night. His knee still hurts.

On the plus side, if Rainy Day/Double Deuce/VideoBoys NG/Silent Partner/Squeaky Tripod Productions, or any of their corporate subsidiaries ever need a ship interior, or spooky warehouse set in which to film, this is the place to book a night's stay. These freakish pillars are, like, everywhere.

After a quick stop in Sparta, WI to visit some favorite people, it was on to Sundara Spa.

Nestled in the woods outside of Wisconsin Dells, this world-class Spa was guaranteed to bring relaxation and a sense of well-being to the Blond, while making the Colonel feel as uncomfortable as humanly possible.

The first thing we noticed, upon checking in, was a couple dozen guests (median age:73) walking around in bathrobes. The Colonel did NOT need to see that.

After a cursory orientation ("Here's your room") we were directed down to the "Purifying Bath Ritual". Here's where the fun really began.

(Stock photo...I have no idea who that lady in the swimsuit is...)

The Purifying Bath is a complex series of Cambrian Sand Polish, Steam, Hydrating Mist, and alternating Cold/Hot Immersion. Trust me, this is not something you can figure out on your own.

Here was our orientation:

In the Locker Room:

Colonel: "Uh...could I get a locker, please?"

17 year old locker room attendant kid: (Waking up...) "Gee, I dunno...Let's push some random buttons until one opens."

Colonel and the Blond: "So how does this whole "Bath Ritual Thing" work?"

Locker Room Kid: "Uh, I dunno...this is kinda my first day. I guess I'm supposed to talk you through it."

The Blond: "Hey, that's OK, we're trainers by profession. You can practice your presentation on us."

Locker Room Kid: "OK...uh...I got a cheat sheet here somewhere. I think it's in the locker room. Let me go get it."

We never saw him again.

After the Purifying Bath, ("Oooooh-ooooh Brrrrrr! Cold! AAAAAAH HOTHOTHOT! Oh! Oh! Cold again! Ow...HOT! etc.) We ventured into the "Quiet Room". This is where you sit and appreciate the peacefulness, secure in the knowledge that soon your "therapist" will come, take you back to the tastefully decorated chamber, and beat the stuffing out of you.

The Blond and I took them up on the "Spa Together" option. This way there would be no surviving witnesses.

Seriously, they were great. The only weird part was that the Blond's therapist looked almost exactly like this guy:

Imagine if PAB was a Buddhist, and you kind of get the idea. The Blond had to suppress giggles for the first five minutes or so, and was OK after that. The Colonel, meanwhile was quietly discovering new synonyms for the words "intense pain".

The food was OK, if you think cows are sacred. These were called "Spring Rolls" and required the Colonel to "Spring" for about $96.

This was our first stop upon escaping.

Regular readers of this feature will hopefully recognise the true intent of this article. Our stay at Sundara was, without a doubt, one of the greatest, most relaxing and meaningful vacations of our lives. The facility is beautiful, the staff is first rate, the atmosphere is TOTALLY relaxing and the food is healthy, exotic, & delicious. We cannot imagine a better way to have spent our 25th Anniversary weekend.

With that said, we can truthfully state that we will never spend two days and nights there again.

Next year, we are going to stay longer.

The Sweep Continues

Just a quick shout out to the Rainy Day / Double Deuce Pictures Media Conglomeration on another fine showing at the Annual Bemidji Beaver Film Fest.

The following pics don't do justice to the great job Andie K (Elaine in "Doing Anything" and the Heroine in "Requeim") and her team did in putting together a truly 1st class event this year complete with a red carpet party, paparazzi, interviews, and even an in-house band.

Bad pics by the Colonel aside, the films & links at the bottom of this report will be worth it.

The Director takes time out to discuss fashion with a red carpet reporter.

Northern Minnesota's greatest directors and one of their biggest stars mug for the Band Blog camera.

Some of the "Little People" enjoy the show from the cheap seats.

The Director celebrates with two (Yes, Two...)VIP's right after sweeping "Best Picture" and "Critic's Choice for the 2nd year.

OK, as promised...Here's some of the films and links to others:

Requiem for a Soda: Rainy Day Pictures: Best Picture and Critic's Choice Winner, 2007

Seen: Double Duece Pictures: One of the Colonel's Favorite Entries

ADD: A Dysfunctional Documentary: GlenMike Productions: Another Great Film with a cool tribute to last year's winner in mid-stream.

Prelude: Rainy Day Pictures: The aforementioned winner from 2006.

For more film fest info, as well as additional films from Rainy Day Pictures, visit these sites:

The Bee Blog and Rainy Day Picture's YouTube Site

Self-Serving Blog Post: n. (org: IABTABK,c.2007) 1. Any post intended to ingratiate the author to subject of said post, in the event of Senor Spielbergo depositing a wheelbarrow full of money on the subject's front lawn. 2. Any post containing a thinly veiled attempt to brag about one's offspring. 3. Both (vulgar)

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Hymn #57 in the Red Book

The Church that the Colonel grew up in had very old, brown hymnals. Not only did they smell like your great aunt's living room, but half of the hymns were actually in Finnish.

The Colonel remembers happily singing along, when one of the the elders would suggest a hip diity from the 1700's that would go like this:

Me oikeastaan harhaisku meidän kirkollinen. Ainoa ainoa fiksu kerrakseen jotta haeskella rikki käännös kuulua kuinka hävittäminen nyt kuluva asema has ajaksi objektimuoto

Finally, the church procured a pile of song books that were written in english. This was generally seen as a move in the right direction. Of course, anyone who understands churches and traditions knows that we also had to hang on to the old, Finnish books, "just in case".

This led to a lot of song suggestions followed by, "Which one?" 'Where is that?" "mikä by indiotic debiili!" "Which book is that in again?"

Finally, they settled on a system, as it were. As we would finish one song, a guy up front would clear the dust from his lungs and call out, (This is true...) "Hymn #57 in the Red Book!" And we would all sing it. (It was one of my favorites...really.)

This same situation must have occured in many churches as hymnals have modernized thoughout the years. Some handle the confusion better than others.

The Blond an I visited a Church this Easter. There, in the pew rack was the older, traditional hymn book. Right along side of it was this:

It was so cool...

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

A "Moron" Short

Walking through the lobby at a favorite local restaurant, I was accosted by an elderly man with a very sincere and important question:

"What is Donna's last name?" He demanded.

My actual response: "Donna who?"

The Colonel is still a Moron.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Ha-Ha! We're Nerds--315751.3175735667

Earlier in the day, The Colonel had emptied a cooler into the sink. The ice inside had formed into a reasonably symmetrical cube. An "Ice Cube", if you will.

Now, The Colonel knows what at least 33% of his readers are thinking, "Say, that looks disturbingly like a Borg Cube, as featured in Numerous Star Trek: Next Generation Episodes and Films, including but not limited to: "
Q-WHO?", First Contact, and the incredible 2-parter "Best of Both Worlds". (Greatest Cliffhanger...Ever: "Mr. Worf...Fire.")

The rest of you probably are not thinking anything like that, but you are wrong.

Of course it looks like a Borg Cube.

Upon noticing this, the Colonel simply HAD TO dump a cup of hot coffee on it, effectively simulating the photon torpedo damage inflicted by the Enterprise Crew upon their first encounter with the frightening, but at the time, poorly costumed alien race.

It was pretty cool.

This appearance of the Borg Cube was, to the Colonel, an event akin to the Madonna appearing on an interstate overpass. He simply had to share this occasion with someone.

"Look!" he said to the Blond, "It's a Borg Cube! And the Coffee looks like a Photon Blast!"

"Yeah," Said the Blond, "I did that too."