Monday, November 06, 2006

Auuugh! I've Become Andy Rooney

col·lec·tion (k-lkshn)
NOUN:
1. The act or process of collecting.
2. A group of objects or works to be seen, studied, or kept together.
3. An accumulation; a deposit: a collection of dust on the piano.
4. A collecting of money, as in church, or the sum so collected.

col·lec·tor (k-lktr)
Noun:
1. One who collects things



OK, that being said...

Why do so many DVD's proudly proclaim that they are "Collector's Editions"?

We picked up "Nacho Libre" the other night.



There it was, right on the cover...



I checked our collection of 18,798 DVD's (Most of which directly funded a new swimming pool at the Skywalker Ranch...See Numerous "We are Nerds" Posts) and roughly HALF were labeled "Collector's Edition".

Now, am I to understand, that if they are not a "Collector's Edition", then my intent should have been not to "Collect" them, but to discard them immediately after viewing?

I asked my son this question, and he patiently explained, as one speaks to a small child or a doddering old man, that "Collector's Edition" means that there is another version out there that doesn't have all the "Special Features" and "Commentaries" and extra "Quotation Marks" included.

Wiping the drool from my mouth, and popping another Geritol, I asked him why then, do we never even see these regular, apparently "Disposable Editions"? The stores seem to just bypass that critical step and go right to selling the Collector Discs.

"I don't know," he said, "Look it up." Then he returned to his cave.

Well I for one, have had it. No more simple, regular one-disc, plain brown wrapper, no frills, Joe Friday DVD's for me. And no more fake, "we never put out the first disc, but we want you to think this one is special, so we'll write that across the cover" movies, either.

From now on, only legitimate "Collector's Editions" will gather on my shelf, like so much dust on the piano.

As for the rest of them...Into the Trash.




Starting with "Nacho Libre".

(Sorry Craig, that was a long way to go for such a cheap shot.)

(...but I warned you.)

P.S. I should also point out that if you blow off all the "Dust on the Piano" you could play "A Thin Spoon Duet"

6 Comments:

Blogger midnight mama said...

Are you serious? You didn't like Nacho? We've seen it twice and are STILL laughing about it!!! We'll buy your copy from you if you really are going to throw it away. Loved it!

11:02 AM  
Blogger Colonel Havoc said...

YES!!!!
Midnight Mama took the bait!

Seriously though, we really enjoyed the movie. (A few of the Rev Girls had a little movie party and we all watched it.)

I had just teased the Drug Baron that if we didn't like it he would be immortalized in the Blogosphere, so I couldn't resist tweaking him a bit. (heh heh...)

Actually, by "picked up" I really meant that we "rented" it. It's just that "picked up" makes the final joke work a bit better.

Oh well, the next post is 100% true...

11:20 AM  
Blogger the devine one said...

Oh, think twice.

3:01 PM  
Blogger midnight mama said...

You are not funny. The Drug Baron and I have been disturbed all day over this. All of us are sick with the stomach flu (yup, 5 people, both ends) and have had nothing better to do than wonder WHY you didn't like the movie. But please don't feel guilty for contributing to our physical and mental distress.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Colonel Havoc said...

Wow...

That's, like, Ten Ends...

"Ouch," says the Blond.

5:12 PM  
Blogger midnight mama said...

yeah..........

6:02 PM  

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