Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Sk8r Boyz

Is it just me, or do I live in a town with the very WORST skateboarders in the universe?

Here's what I mean. No matter where we go, we will see young men, in baggy pants, standing on skateboards. They are on every corner, every set of church steps, every sidewalk. Now that in itself, is cool...no problem. I don't mind these kids at all. I'm glad there are healthy young people in own town, who are free to gather outside without fear of excessive crime, air pollution, etc. I'm also glad they have found an activity, such as riding their skateboards, that they enjoy so much. But here is my problem...

They NEVER RIDE them! They don't GO anywhere.

We never get to see one of these young men doing
this, or this.

We don't even see them
grabbing on to car bumpers and outwitting Biff and his lackeys.

As a matter of fact, we hardly ever see them move at all.

Here is the standard, and only, "skateboard trick" that all our hometown skaters are required to practice from sun-up to sun-down, from their first pair of baggy pants through their last set of Depends:

1. Stand on the Skateboard
2. Move NO MORE THAN 5 inches
3. Suddenly SNAP your knees up about 3 inches so that your feet slightly leave the board and it tips over to one side.
4. Fall off
5. Repeat forever

Yesterday, I was driving to pick up the Whiner (Love her...Really.) from piano practice when I saw two young guys on the corner, standing on their skateboards.

I began to count. Before I got to three, "KaCHUNK...KaCHUNK. Both had snapped up their knees and promptly fallen off their boards. It was like a compulsion..."We've been standing stock-still for 20 seconds now...I know! Lets tip our boards over and fall off!" Another kid came walking up with his board. Through my rear-view mirror, I watched him put it down next to the other two, stand on it for about three seconds, obviously getting "In the Zone", then...KaCHUNK. He hopped up about two inches, tipped the board slightly, and fell off.

Why do these guys even have wheels on their boards? I could do the same thing with a two by four I keep in my garage.

So after I picked up the wonder-daughter, we discussed this phenomenon and on a whim, we decided to drive by the skate park. As we slowly inched past, a couple skaters were making attempts to ride about half-way up the little ramps. Well there... at least they were TRYING to use their wheels.

We turned around in the nursing home parking lot, and drove slowly by again. One of the boys had quit. The other (I am not making this up... ) was standing totally still on his board in the middle of the pavement. Dead still....Tensed like a cat....

"Wait for it..." I said to the girl as we inched by, "Wait for it..."

KACHUNK. And he fell off.

"Sweet!" my daughter said.

I smiled and headed home.

I had a trick to practice.

11 Comments:

Blogger Reinman said...

Great! Dave Barry-esque.

I think I laughed hardest at "He hopped up about two inches, tipped the board slightly, and fell off."

"slightly" haha!

10:02 AM  
Blogger dangeresque dan said...

When you get the trick down, Can you show it off on Sunday Morning? I want to see if it's perfected. I've seen that trick too much. I know there is one more. It happens at the High School even though it says no skateboards . . . they try and slide on stuff, About 96% of the time they fall flat on their face. Quite hilarious.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Graceland King said...

I don't believe that there is anything of substance that I can add to your argument. The only thing I can say is that for the entire first paragraph of the post, all I could think about was the McFly family. So is was a pleasant surprise to find your nod to the movie early in the post. Kuddos to you.

Thank you, thank you very much.

2:27 PM  
Blogger Abe said...

you blogger numbers are soaring.

9:39 PM  
Blogger JC said...

I can't wait to get my hoverboard.

11:54 AM  
Blogger Jason said...

Haha, Pastor Al you described the skateboarders in out town to a T. haha...But the real sport is snowboarding that is a blast.
-Jason

8:24 PM  
Blogger the devine one said...

Yeah, they all suck. Maybe there are 2 good skateboarders in our town, but they're dumps. You totally described it perfectly though.

1:23 PM  
Blogger Larry said...

Yeah, huh, cool....KACHUNK!

OUCH! Dude.

Did you see that. I got, like, 2 inches of AIR! SWEEEET! Dude.

Uh..helmet?! HAHA Dude!

3:46 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

So, just the other day (Saturday) Chel_c W. and I were driving to P.A.'s house and we saw a kid doing the same trick, only on a trampoline. That was kind of cool.

tootles! :)

6:33 PM  
Blogger Psychoslim said...

sk8 boarding really isn't aloweed on howard and 1st only place to see them skaterboard punks is at the skate park

peace

7:54 AM  
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