Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Turn Around and Face Your Fate

The Blond & I were expecting important house guests, so the panic to set the home in order was on.

"I can take care of the vacuuming," she said, "But I can't stand that upstairs sink. It's been clogged since we moved in. If you can just clear it before they come, that's all I ask of you."

I mumbled something under my breath about her being a Prima Donna, but figuring this masquerade would continue with or without me, I trudged upstairs with a bottle of this stuff...

The label instructed me to use about a quarter of a cup for a small drain, so considering how badly it was clogged, I thought a half bottle would be appropriate. If I could only get the water to go down once more, it would be worth it.

It gurgled and churned late into the evening. This music of the night kept me awake, but alas, come morning the water still sat in the basin.

I e-mailed a plumber friend. Something about "wishing you were here again", but he wasn't available, so it was time to take things into my own hands.

Grabbing my favorite Power Tool, I proceeded to hack a HUGE hole in the ceiling of the room below. Exposing the offending pipe, I stuck in a Hack Blade and started to cut through it. The saw twisted every way, and finally took hold.

This is true. As the blade made it's way into the pipe, suddenly the trapped water began to spew out in every direction. Too late did I realize that there is a reason the instructions direct us to "flush out the drain with cold water for five minutes."

Two things happened simultaneously:
1. The acid that had been percolating in the pipe for the past twelve hours sprayed me full in the face.
2. It also ran down the blade of the saw, into the motor and gave me more than a mild electrical shock.

Well, now I was past the point of no return, so I pressed on, alternately cutting, wiping, weeping, and euphemising.

Long story short, the drain is clear, running better than it has in 19 years, but I kind of feel like this guy.

So, next time you are doing a home project,

Think of me, think of me fondly
When we've said good-bye
Remember me, once in a while,
Please promise me you'll try...

to flush the drain first...
...and wear those safety glasses.


Blogger Colonel Havoc said...

I wiped it off real fast, and except for some itching in the face and burning in the eyes for the next couple days, I was just fine.

2:33 PM  
Blogger Reinman said...

Careful. I need that precious mug for my movie!

7:42 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

Wow I like the change of your blog Pastor Al, the colors dont hurt my eyes anymore. Nice post, stupid drains....

And I did like the State of the Union Address, I kind of thought the Democrats were a little childish when they stood up and clapped when Bush was talking about how he failed to pass the new social security system.

12:02 PM  
Blogger JC said...

that turned out good!

5:19 PM  
Blogger Larry said...

As hard as I tried, I could not get that drain to plug while we were there!

However, if I would have asked my wife to brush her hair over the sink, you'd probably back to square one.

What is it with womans hair & clogged drains?! Eeeww, now that I think of it. It was probably liquid hair that spewed on your face!

11:13 AM  
Blogger Colonel Havoc said...

Yes...Yes it was.

2:34 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Umm...did anyone get the point of this post?...

tootles! :)

(I worked long and hard finding some of those "phrases")

5:26 PM  
Blogger Graceland King said...

Your drain might have clogged the one time I used it. My forehead is pushing the hairs out of my head.

8:39 AM  
Blogger Graceland King said...

Am I the only one who has to type the word verification twice. What a schmuck!

8:40 AM  
Blogger Colleen said...

Oh my gosh, you are hysterical. I haven't laughed that hard in quite a while.

8:02 AM  
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10:34 PM  

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