Friday, January 13, 2006

Discover This...

I couldn’t figure out why it took The Blond so long to activate one silly little Sears Card. It seemed like she was on the phone for hours. That would have been reasonable if she had been talking to her Mom, or any number of equally pleasant human beings, but how long does it take to give some basic information to a computer?

Then I tried to activate our new Discover Card. (Motto: “We aren’t accepted ANYWHERE.”) We wouldn’t even have one of these, except Sam’s Club (Motto: “When a 20 pound bag of Skittles ™ just isn’t enough”) has made it their new membership card.

So I dialed the 800 number on the phone, punched in a couple digits and, feeling technologically superior to my bride, waited for the message that my card was activated.

No confirmation came. Instead, a RECORDING began to tell me of the wonders of Discover’s Credit Card Protection Service.

“If your card is ever lost or stolen…” the perky voice said.

“Shut up…” I said into the receiver.

“All of your unpaid balance will be…”

“SHUT UP!” I shouted.

“…and if you find yourself unemployed…”

“SHUT UP!!!!” I held the phone out and screamed into it.

This went on for 5 full minutes. Finally, the computer got to the end of its pitch.

“So if you would like to take advantage of this service for only 2% of your unpaid balance per month, simply say ‘Yes’.”

“NOOOOOOOOO!” I shrieked so loud my lungs began to bleed.

“Thank you. Your card has been activated…Good-bye!”

Feldercarb,” I euphemized.

My first purchase on our new Discover Card was one of these…

The first thing I ran through it was our new discover card.


Blogger SuperStar said...

Nice. I love cards... Just lost mine the other day.. What a joyous occasion.

9:07 AM  
Blogger Reinman said...

Haha, just got back.

Good post.

Is that a shredder? What do you need a shredder for? Surely you don't own that many credit cards...

12:32 PM  
Blogger Colonel Havoc said...

I plan to finally clean out our old files, and don't want to "edit" for account #'s. etc. Ha-Ha! Through the magic machine with EVERYTHING.

(Plus the Dog)

3:23 PM  

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