Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Sanskrit for "Beautiful"

Adventures at Sundara Spa:

To Celebrate their 25th, the Colonel & the Blond headed out for a weekend of relaxation and personal stretchiness in order to bring you "Self-Serving Post #2" (See below)

The weekend began with a stop in Duluth, just to get out of town.
Noteworthy: The Hawthorn Suites are located in a renovated warehouse. This creates interesting architectural challenges. Like this 4 foot pillar in the CENTER of our room...

This was not a problem until the Colonel tried to find the bathroom in the middle of the night. His knee still hurts.

On the plus side, if Rainy Day/Double Deuce/VideoBoys NG/Silent Partner/Squeaky Tripod Productions, or any of their corporate subsidiaries ever need a ship interior, or spooky warehouse set in which to film, this is the place to book a night's stay. These freakish pillars are, like, everywhere.

After a quick stop in Sparta, WI to visit some favorite people, it was on to Sundara Spa.

Nestled in the woods outside of Wisconsin Dells, this world-class Spa was guaranteed to bring relaxation and a sense of well-being to the Blond, while making the Colonel feel as uncomfortable as humanly possible.

The first thing we noticed, upon checking in, was a couple dozen guests (median age:73) walking around in bathrobes. The Colonel did NOT need to see that.

After a cursory orientation ("Here's your room") we were directed down to the "Purifying Bath Ritual". Here's where the fun really began.

(Stock photo...I have no idea who that lady in the swimsuit is...)

The Purifying Bath is a complex series of Cambrian Sand Polish, Steam, Hydrating Mist, and alternating Cold/Hot Immersion. Trust me, this is not something you can figure out on your own.

Here was our orientation:

In the Locker Room:

Colonel: "Uh...could I get a locker, please?"

17 year old locker room attendant kid: (Waking up...) "Gee, I dunno...Let's push some random buttons until one opens."

Colonel and the Blond: "So how does this whole "Bath Ritual Thing" work?"

Locker Room Kid: "Uh, I dunno...this is kinda my first day. I guess I'm supposed to talk you through it."

The Blond: "Hey, that's OK, we're trainers by profession. You can practice your presentation on us."

Locker Room Kid: "OK...uh...I got a cheat sheet here somewhere. I think it's in the locker room. Let me go get it."

We never saw him again.

After the Purifying Bath, ("Oooooh-ooooh Brrrrrr! Cold! AAAAAAH HOTHOTHOT! Oh! Oh! Cold again! Ow...HOT! etc.) We ventured into the "Quiet Room". This is where you sit and appreciate the peacefulness, secure in the knowledge that soon your "therapist" will come, take you back to the tastefully decorated chamber, and beat the stuffing out of you.

The Blond and I took them up on the "Spa Together" option. This way there would be no surviving witnesses.

Seriously, they were great. The only weird part was that the Blond's therapist looked almost exactly like this guy:

Imagine if PAB was a Buddhist, and you kind of get the idea. The Blond had to suppress giggles for the first five minutes or so, and was OK after that. The Colonel, meanwhile was quietly discovering new synonyms for the words "intense pain".

The food was OK, if you think cows are sacred. These were called "Spring Rolls" and required the Colonel to "Spring" for about $96.

This was our first stop upon escaping.

Regular readers of this feature will hopefully recognise the true intent of this article. Our stay at Sundara was, without a doubt, one of the greatest, most relaxing and meaningful vacations of our lives. The facility is beautiful, the staff is first rate, the atmosphere is TOTALLY relaxing and the food is healthy, exotic, & delicious. We cannot imagine a better way to have spent our 25th Anniversary weekend.

With that said, we can truthfully state that we will never spend two days and nights there again.

Next year, we are going to stay longer.


Blogger Abe said...

Sorry guys I should of told you I picked up a part time job down at the Dells.

5:53 AM  
Blogger Jamylou said...

Wow! Sounds like quite the anniversary. We went to watch the Twins, maybe you could have a little man-to-man chat with my husband. :)
Happy Anniversary!

8:50 AM  

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