Great Moments in Jr. High SCIENCE

We were sitting in seventh grade science class, and the teacher was trying to get the concept of "creating a vacuum" into our little skulls.

He patiently explained that there really isn't anything that actually sucks stuff up. It doesn't matter if you are drinking a milk shake or pumping water out of a swimming pool, what you are really doing is creating a vacuum and the atmospheric pressure forces the shake, or water, or whatever into that vacuum, giving the impression it's being sucked in, when actually it's being pushed.

"So," he concluded, "Nothing really sucks up anything. It only happens when you create a vacuum."

One of the guys on the football team raised his hand. I swear this is true...

"Oh yeah?" He said belligerently, "What about a VACUUM cleaner?"

I think he was a lineman.

Race Recap

I'd give you a video recap of my Brother's annual family smash-em-up race, but I'm weary of using up all my available bandwidth.

Here's some pictures instead...



My job (as flagman) is to stop the race if there is a fire. This didn't look too critical, so I said, "Play on..."



Some guys smashed, somebody won, nobody died, blah, blah, blah. Afterwards, we played some paintball & volleyball.



It was more fun.

A Visit from Browny

So Browny the Rabbit came to visit, and brought a couple people, whose names I forget, with him. Needless to say, he/she (?) was the hit of the evening. About a billion young people showed up to see the new star of the web.



The Stupid Dog wanted to say Hello.


They got along great and immediately began discussing the value of "Carpet Bombing". They both excel at this, and started a contest to see who could deposit the most digestive waste in the deepest fabrics of our rug.


Gina won based on total output. (Big surprise...)


It was a good visit...yet the Colonel is troubled...

Everyone says the Browny is such a cute, lovable little bunny, but I think we captured "The Real Browny" in a rare moment when he let down his guard. Here he is, regarding The Whiner with what can only be described as "Lupine Loathing".


Now, it's obvious that this Bunny is Evil, but what was he THINKING? The Colonel welcomes your captions to this final photo. PLEASE help us figure out this peculiar pet's innermost workings before it's too late.

Thank you.

Quick Thoughts While Watching the Today Show

...besides the fact the Katie Couric is a Total Wacko Dry-Roasted Nut.

As I was checking the Blogs, the Today Show was playing in the background. Two Ads came on that sort of caught my attention.

First I heard some Cowboy crooning away that he had "Found Love at a K-Mart Store".

Yeah, that's where I want to search for my future bride...



The other sound byte (sic) that invaded my peripheral perception was from an ad for the film "2 For the Money."

The ad said, and I quote, "The Best Film about Gambling Ever Made."

Isn't that a bit like saying "Root Canal is my Favorite Invasive Dental Procedure"?

But most importantly, the letters in "I Found Love at a K-Mart Store" can be rearranged to spell, "I lost a deaf tumor rake on TV"

Come to think of it, I thought I heard that in the second verse.

SIR Teaser

This Sunday, my family gets together for our annual "reunion" at my brother's house. Basically, it's just an excuse for the guys to buy $100 cars and spend the afternoon smashing into each other.

Here's a Teaser Trailer from the Y2K race. If it doesn't load, that means my Web Storage Host is angry with me again. (Dear Colonel, You have once more exceeded your bandwidth. Please send us $1 Million or you will never see your picture of Harold, Marion, and Winthrop again.)

If your Internet Connection is as slow as mine, it may take 2-3 minutes to download the video. (It's not worth the wait)

To watch video click play button. If video does not play. You may need to download windows media player below.

Windows Media Player Download Center

Deep Conversations with Her

The Blond, (pictured below in a new photo with The Whiner) should start her own Blog.



She dropped the following Bloggable nugget on me as we were driving around the other day…

“Guys who put those BIG Racing Spoilers on their cars must have to tell themselves EVERY DAY that they really look cool, because deep down inside they know that they (the spoilers) are really ugly.”



By the way, the letters in “A Big Racing Spoiler” can be rearranged to spell “Oil Prices Gag Brain”

Maybe that explains it.