I Left My Shoes in San Francisco

The Colonel awoke to a day full of promise.

"Oh, boy!" he thought, "Today we can tour a WWII submarine, climb some hills, see some cool stuff...this is going to be GREAT!"

"Not so fast," intoned the Blond, "If we are going to see "Wicked," there's something we absolutley must do first."

No...please. Not that. Anything but THAT!"

A few minutes later we were Cabling down to Market Street.

She calls it Shopping.

I call it Torture.

Look how happy she is.

Now, to her credit, the Blond was able to find the ONLY shop in Union Square where the dresses don't start at $2000.00

The ability to find reasonably priced apparel does not translate, however, into the ability to choose resasonably priced apparel.

I mean, it was all reasonably priced in the store she found, but then the woman needed to make a DECISION.

As the hours flew by, I checked my e-mail, chatted with a security guard, found a rest room, read War & Peace, ignored a homeless guy, and watched the day slip away.

Finally she found it. The perfect dress. Good price, nice lines. Even the Colonel--who knows less about fashion than the previouly mentioned homless guy--knew she had located a winner.

Now, finally we could go?

"Uh...duh...Shoes."

I could have wept.

Much later, after strapping on a hundred different shoes in an attempt to find, not only the perfect pair, but (this gets a little technical) the perfect pair in her size, we had made thirty minute MUNI commute back to our hotel room, and were preparing to salvage what was left of the day.

Knowing that our foray into the valley of the retailers had at last reached its conclusion, I was feeling a bit giddy.

"All right," I said benevolently, "We might as well see how all this looks together."

The Blond got as far as putting on the shoes.

"Hmmm, why don't they feel right?"

She looked inside one of them. Then she looked inside the other. Then she did it again.

"Uh-oh," She said.

"Uh-oh? What do you mean, Uh-oh?"

"These shoes are two different sizes."

When we got back downtown to exchange them, the Homeless Guy just looked at me and said, "You again?"

All this, just to go see a play in a mostly darkened theater.

On the other hand, she does look pretty Wicked.